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“Nutella, by any other name… No, seriously. Could we please name this kid literally anything else?” -France, probably.
A French judge ruled that a baby girl named “Nutella” would require a new name more suitable for a human being and less suitable for a delicious snack food. While I can think of several circumstances under which someone might name a child after snack food, they all start with mind-altering illegal substances, and they generally end with a kid named “Dorito.”
The judge didn’t think the parents were in their right minds either, as Time reported the judge in Valenciennes said:
The name ‘Nutella’ given to the child is the trade name of a spread. And it is contrary to the child’s interest to be wearing a name like that can only lead to teasing or disparaging thoughts.
The name can only lead to teasing? A: Children are malicious forces of nature that can make derogatory puns out of any name. B: Where was this judge when I inherited the name “Van Winkle,” hmmm?
When the parents didn’t make a scheduled court appearance, the court took matters into its own hands and shortened the baby’s name to Ella in what sounds like a really weird YA novel backstory. Someday, Nutella will grow up to know her hidden destiny as queen of the snack foods.